Heart transplant

When God talks to me, my heart stands at attention. I realized this today in the car. When God speaks to me my heart becomes bold, strong, unwavering, courageous. I feel capable of what He asks me. Most of the time He asks me a question.

It all kind of tied together today. Last night I had a dream that my heart was strong and courageous in battle, a little Joan of Arc-ish. I was a soldier in an army of men. I fit right in. (hahaha) In my dream I fit right in. We were ready for battle. All of the sudden it was necessary that my heart be taken out of my body. It was taken out and I turned, along with the army, into a dinosaur looking creature. It was grey and fatal looking, nothing pretty. In this form, I fought with all my might in battle. Shortly after the battle a few soldiers and I stood together in a circle, when I realized that I wanted my heart back. I panned back and saw myself. Someone checked my chest and I was not breathing. I had become a non-breathing fighting machine. I panned back and someone broke through the crowd and pressed my heart back into my chest. It felt like more of a pressing. Only then could I breathe again, and I turned into a human again.

As I thought about this dream, I thought about the bold hearts of old. Joan of Arc, for example, it was said that she was burned at the stake, but her heart wouldn't burn. I also think of Paul. He seemed unwavering, passionate, with nothing holding him back from the prize. I think of David, who was after God's own heart. I think of many valiant Native Americans, such as Sitting Bull. All of these examples had there heart set on one thing and held it precious and sacred, and when put to the test died protecting it.

I sit here, and just to be honest, am ashamed at what I see in my own heart. I feel weak hearted. Some say that a Christian cannot feel weak hearted, but some days I just do. I can't lie, and say I don't. I want to be among the Strong in heart, the bold, the unwavering. I am tired of the undecided.

" God, make my heart bold as You see fit.

I want to be strong in battle.

Lord it is hard to strive after something here in the world.

so many waver and are swayed between trivial earthly things

that won't even matter in the end.

Lord make me strong of heart

even in these crazy times.

God if anything, I know that You are able

when I am finished here I want to be among the bold

in heart, nothing holding me back

Lord change my heart.

I know this won't be the last time I will need it.

I love you Lord.

You make my life good, You bring peace, You chase away fear, You speak

to the deepest places in my heart.

You give those deepest places rest and cool drink and shade.

You sustain me. "